Every week this lovely month of June we will do something that is not done often enough. We will be celebrating dads. We will feature a dad, son or daughter in order to appreciate the crucial role that dads play and the impact and influence they have on their families. Today we give it up for Andrew ‘Keeplah’ Byama, a 38 year old Organizational Learning & Development Consultant & Trainer at Training Connections and father to a 9 year old daughter and 5 year old boy.
1. How did you feel when you found out that you were going to be a father?
I was absolutely scared. More so because the only questions in my head were “what will the baby eat “? our salaries back then were quite small. “Will her Dad kill me” (we were still dating) and many other risk management questions.
2. Were you present for the birth of your child?
For both of them. Adrenalin is not in bungee jumping or kayaking my friends.
3. How did you feel at the birth and at the first sight of your children?
I actually had not prepared myself for the feelings that washed me over for that day. I was so busy focusing on the mother’s well-being and the twenty two hours of labor journey, that I never prepared myself for the actual moment of seeing my daughter. She was born silent as she had been stressed so much due to the prolonged labor. As a result she was tangled in umbilical cord. She was slightly blue and had tubes to help her breathe, but that first sight on that May afternoon, made me realize my ‘why’. She managed to breathe and held on to my finger 10 minutes after her birth and I fell in love.
4. What are your concerns as you bring up your children?
I am overwhelmed by what our children are exposed to through the numerous media sources. As parents we try our best to censor but what they pick up from schoolmates, estate friends and other sources is really giving parents a run for their money. I am also concerned about my children living their lives along their gifts and talents without having to conform to society or peer pressure. Being comfortable with who they are, to reach for the stars and live their larger-than-life dreams.
5. What do you feel your role is as a Dad?
I feel my role as a dad is just that – to be a role model. In my dealings with society, with men and with myself.
6. What do you like about being a Dad?
I like the attention I receive from my children. I might be having a tough day but coming home to have small people run towards you smiling and happy that you have come, hug you and ask you how your day was. That, I like. Also just seeing them grow into their gifts with our encouragement makes me very proud and encourages me to keep doing what I am doing.
7. What do you not like about being a Dad?
I do not like that there is no customized manual for bringing children up and this makes me infuriated especially when I lose my anger with my children. I wish there was a manual for what to do when shit hits the fan, but this also is part of the journey.
8. What do you wish for your child/children?
I wish for my children happiness, a life full of integrity, a life lived full of achievement and little regret and most importantly that they can learn to love humanity and leave the world a better place than they found it or than I taught them. I also wish that they will not fall into the trap of always of living their lives only to get to the end of it. That they realize that success is not the destination but the journey. To enjoy each day like it was their last, build as many bridges and smile often.
9. What do you teach your children about love and relationships?
I teach them that all men are born equal but different because of the various mountains that make us who we are. I teach them that we love all humans equally regardless of their mountains. I encourage them to try and get along with their friends and peers but not to get bullied.
10. What do you teach your children about money?
First, I tell them that “I DO NOT HAVE IT”; most of the time anyway, it’s a parenting instinct and default answer. I have been making them work for their money by running extra chores above what they are expected to do. For example, helping me to wash the car. My daughter started selling loom band bracelets two school holidays ago to estate children but would end up buying candy for the whole estate with the money she made. This made me start teaching them about the essence of business, expenses, profit and loss.
Finally, once a month we have a Saturday evening family monopoly game and I can see them slowly gaining their dad’s hustling mentality.
BEST FATHERS DAY EXPERIENCE/MEMORY
It’s the same each year. They wait till I have gone to the shower, then position themselves on my bed. Their mother is the chief collaborator each year. They “surprise” me when I enter the room shouting Happy Fathers Day! I do not know what it is but every year it gets better and better.