Every week this lovely month of June we will do something that is not done often enough. We will be celebrating dads. We will feature a dad, son or daughter in order to appreciate the crucial role that dads play and the impact and influence they have on their families. Today we applaud the amazing Moses Likhanga whom we get know through the eyes of a real daddy’s girl, Vivienne Ayuma Likhanga. Vivienne is a law and administration professional and a proud mother of a 10 month old daughter. When I inquired about her age in all she could say is “I am an adult… Hehehe!… Twenty Something. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it (smiles).
- Describe your relationship with your father.
He was my best friend. Ever since I could remember the two of us were like two peas in a pod. My parents having divorced when I was just 5 years old, my dad who became sole caregiver – took the mom and dad role greatly in his stride and he was the best single dad in the whole world. There were several days of instant soup and bread or ugali and milk for dinner but I will forever be grateful to him for how hard he tried to be everything to us before he remarried. Very few men can step up like this. I owe much of who I am today to him, if only he could see me now, he’d be proud of the woman that I’ve become.
- How much time did your father spend with you?
He tried his best to spend as much time with me as I was growing up. When I was little, after school in the afternoons I would go do my homework in his office then we’d proceed home afterwards in the evening when he was done. After he started working outside the country, it was a little difficult to spend so much time together but we would hang out all the time every time he got a break. We also had a letter writing tradition when I went to boarding school. He wrote to me a letter every two weeks telling me everything about where he was travelling to, the people he met and his work and of course reminding me to be a good girl and to work hard. I still have those letters. I read them whenever I miss him.
- How often did your father tell you that he loved you?
Every time we’d meet. He’d hug me good bye at times giving me a forehead kiss and tell me he loved me. He’d also occasionally do it on phone calls.
- What did your father teach you about life?
My dad taught me many things about life from how to always look people in the eye when I spoke, how to ride a bike, how to tie my shoe laces and tie; to how to multiply three digit numbers by other three digit numbers when I was just six years old. I went on to learn how to multiply numbers in school but I still did it the way he taught me; from left to right. I loved how he taught me the value and importance of hard work and a good education. If I have any success in my life it is because I am able to understand thoroughly and well what I read and I owe this specialty first to him. I appreciate him so much, for being in my life. He did all he could to give my siblings and I the best education he could afford. He worked almost 7 days a week from 5 am to 8 pm or even later, without complaining, all day standing up and never lost his joy of life and the humor.
The most important thing, he taught me was to never give up and most importantly never to panic when things go wrong. There’s always a way out but first you have to be calm to get everything in the right perspective. Being a high achiever he naturally made me always want to win and therefore I was a sore loser. But he always used to tell me: “Failure is good for you. So, accept your defeats, be aware of your mistakes and keep going. Failure sucks, but it’s not the end of the world.”
- What did your father teach you about love and relationships?
To love unreservedly. However he also taught me to not be a push over and to always know when to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves me. My dad’s life screamed “I love you” without saying the words. He made so many sacrifices. Watching his life taught me the greatest lesson on love: Actions speak louder than words. What we do is louder than what we say.
- What did your father do that made you happy?
Everything. He loved me unconditionally and was unafraid to show it. He made so many sacrifices at times personal ones just to make sure we were happy and OK. He was always so proud of me whether or not I deserved it. The greatest gift he gave me was believing in me.
- What did your father do that made you sad?
He got sick and there was nothing I could do to make him better. Then he died. Though I know death is inevitable and his suffering finally ended, it still broke my heart. It felt like I lost a part of me I could never replace. He was the only one besides God that I can honestly say I could always count on 24-7-365.
- What is your fondest memory of your father?
Listening to his heartbeat every night he held me close as he read me my bed time stories. It was the most calming moment growing up. Feeling his strong arms around me and hearing his big heart pounding away. I felt so invincible and protected. Sometimes when I close my eyes and go back to those moments, I could almost still remember his scent and voice. It still is one of my best memories of him whenever I miss him. I also remember his love for music.. Most times you’d find him whistling or singing along to his favorite artists. It was hilarious catching him at times miming the words to our favorite artists too. One day I caught him singing along to Tupac’s “do for love” another day while we were stuck in traffic, he started singing Harry Belafonte’s, Banana Boat Song: “Day-O, Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, Me say day, me say day-o, Daylight come and me wan’ go home!” He could be so funny! There are songs I can’t listen to without thinking of him.
- Describe how you are like your father?
This is such a hard question. The people who knew him say that I laugh like him. Heartily. I think I’ve got his cheeks and facial structure. I think I also took my easy going nature towards life from him as he was a free spirit. My dad was so strong, patient and kind to everybody no matter their position in life. He was the most generous, warm hearted of men you could ever meet, but at the same time, very stern when he meant business. This lesson bleeds into everything I do. Being humble and generous of heart to everybody I meet and being strong especially inside.
- What do you wish you could tell your father?
Oh how I wish I could resurrect him and tell him how much I love him! I would hug his neck and hold on for dear life trying to make up for all the years that I missed out on with him because I was too caught up with life. If I had one last moment I’d tell him that even though he’s gone there’s never a day that passes without me thinking about him. In everything I do I still wonder whether or not he’d be proud. I love you, dad. Thank you for everything.
BEST FATHERS DAY EXPERIENCE/MEMORY
Having lunch with him as he enjoyed his favorite scotch. He told me the first day he held me in his arms my eyes screamed at him for him to love me. And he could never stop. He told me no matter how old I am and I will always be daddy’s little girl.